It’s my bday again!

What an amazing day…

Started with flowers n cards from my boys, a heart warming experience in the Baba temple, lunch with Amma Bapu, my very own pair of Christian Louboutin, evening with in laws, dinner with Kanth….sprinkled with sweet surprises & best wishes  from family n friends all throughout the day….#blessed 🙏

The conscious parent

A real person like myself

Be open to the idea that our imperfections may actually be the best tools for change. 

You are raising a soaring spirit, throbbing with its own signature. What you say in a moment might make or break your child’s spirit. We aren’t raising a mini me. Separate who you are from your Children. They aren’t ours to possess in any way. We need to tailor our raising to their needs, not our needs. 

To connect with your children, first connect with yourself. 

“Ego” is an artificial sense of ourselves. We tend to use our egoistic superiority to enforce control on children. Letting go of this egoistic self image will allow us to engage with our children as our real self. 

To parent consciously it is very important to be aware of the influence of our ego. Once we detach from our expectations of how a person ‘should’ behave, we automatically demonstrate acceptance which forms a connection. Letting go of your egoism and how things ought to be or how people should act will allow you to step off your ego pedestal. You have to be able to find your true self and transform yourself to become a spiritual partner in your child’s journey. Children don’t need our ideas and expectations or our dominance and control, they just need our engaged presence. Allow your children to hold your hand and take you on a journey of being a better parent. It doesn’t mean you be your child’s minions, there have to be boundaries and the relationship should be well rounded. 

The spiritual reason we birth our children

Children are able to take us deep into the remnants of our emotional past and evoke deeply unconscious feelings. It is their spiritual right to offer us a reflection of our own unconsciousness and help us break free of the clutches of our past. Conscious parenting is learnt through the actual experience of learning through the relationship we have with our children. use the parenting relationship to become conscious so we are aware of what is needed in our child’s life in the moment that an issue arises. The ability to see children separate from who we are is the greatest gift we can give them. Catch ourselves in an unconscious moment, detach free from it and develop consciousness which is not a destination but an ongoing process. Unconsciousness is not necessarily a bad thing but is a portal for the development of our consciousness. 

Release your children from your need for approval

 

Accept your kids for who they intrinsically are. Who are we to judge them? A child’s core, essential being must be unconditionally celebrated. Our children need to grow up with the awareness that who they are is worthy of celebration. Revel in their existence without having them accomplish any thing, or prove anything. Parents should have the ability to stay connected to their inner essence through the periods when their external behavior might fall apart and that conveys to them that they are of immense value. How to do that? 

Your children need to feel that just because they exist, they delight you. They don’t have to do anything to get your undivided attention. They deserve to feel that just by being born they earned the right to be adored. They will carry this inner spirit through their adulthood and won’t need to seek validation or accolades. 

Ari’s first week of school!

The great fall!

Impromptu Austin trip….What an eventful trip! One that will remain in our memory forever. 

What started off originally as an impromptu non-rev trip to Chicago…which bit the dust cuz of flight cancellations….we decided to drive to Austin instead! K had a great experience in Austin downtown and had been harping for a while that we should all go, and yesterday was the day! I was already disappointed two weeks ago when we couldn’t make it to the impromptu San Antonio trip…so this was redemption time! 

We hopped back into the jeep, ate breakfast in our favorite First Watch and drove off! Reached Downtown Austin by lunch time, our room in “Line” wasn’t ready so we left our luggage at the hotel and went for lunch in Corner restaurant, J W Marriott. Got a nice lounge table and hung out there for a few hours…had a couple of drinks and A ate his favorite cheese sandwich with fries n Ofcourse ended the meal with white ice cream. Was a really good afternoon! 

The started our itch for adventure…K said let’s rent electric scooters and go around a few blocks! That was on our agenda anyway so I was like…sure why not…after two drinks!

Extreme Ownership Book Review

Extreme Ownership

• All responsibility for success and failure rests with the Leader. 
• The leader must own everything, there is no one else to blame. 
• The leader bears responsibility to explain the mission, develop tactics and provide training to achieve the mission. 
• If there are people who underperform in the team, the leader had the responsibility to train and mentor them. If they still don’t improve and are hurting the team’s performance then leader must make the tough call to terminate that person and hire someone else. 
• Taking ownership when things fail requires courage and humility. But it’s absolutely necessary to learning, growing as a leader and improving a team’s performance. 
• Leaders should not have emotional attachments to plans or agendas and should have the organization’s problems in mind. 
• Such leaders should not take credit for successes but should bestow that honor upon his subordinates and team members. 
• When leaders set such an example then junior leaders do the same and that increases efficiency and results in high performing teams. 

No Bad teams, only bad leaders

• When it comes to standards a leader, it’s not what you preach but what you tolerate 
• If substandard performance is accepted and no one is held accountable then that substandard performance becomes the new norm. 
• Consequences may not need to be immediate but  tasks must be repeated till expected standards are achieved. 
• Every team must have a junior member who can step up and play your role when need arises
• Identify weaknesses and come up with a plan to overcome challenges
• Look to constantly improve and push standards higher
• There are no bad teams, only bad leaders

Believe

• In order to convince and inspire others to follow a mission, the leader must himself truly BELIEVE in the mission. 
• If the leader himself does not believe in the mission, they will not be able to take the risks to execute the mission or convince anyone to do so. 
• Must believe that they are part of a larger plan and align their thoughts and vision to the mission. If they do, their confidence and belief shines through. 
• If the leaders themselves don’t understand s the mission, they must question their senior leaders to understand not just the what but the why also so they can convey to their teams. They have to take a step back and analyze the situation. 
• Goals must be aligned in an org. If subordinates don’t understand why something is being asked to be done, or why they are unable to do it, that should be communicated to the leader and the leader should communicate up the chain of command. If everyone in the org is not aligned then it will not be feasible to persevere through challenges and achieve the goal.

Check the ego

• Ego clouds and disrupts everything…decision making, ability to accept constructive feedback & criticism etc. 
• The most difficult ego to deal with is your own
• Ego motivates and drives people but when it clouds our judgement then it starts getting disruptive 
• Strive to be confident, not cocky
• Keep your ego in check and operate with a higher level of humility
• Don’t ever think you’re too good to fail or the opponent is not capable…never get complacent. 

Cover and Move

• Means teamwork
• Working together to accomplish the goal of the larger team
• Mutually supporting one another for a singular purpose
• Teams must break down silos and depend on each other. If team members operate independently or against each other then that impacts the overall team’s performance. 
• Leaders should continually remind team members that they are all a part of the larger team and what their strategic mission is. 
• Pointing fingers and placing blame leads to further dissension between teams and individuals. Such teams must communicate with each other and find ways to work with each other with the sole focus on accomplishing the mission. 
• If the team succeeds then everyone in the team succeeds. 
• Help each other, work together and support each other to win. 

Simple

• It’s simple…keep things simple!!!
• Simplifying as much as possible is critical to success
• When plans or orders are too complicated, people cannot understand them. And Jen plans do go wrong, complexity compounds the problem and turns into a disaster. 
• Keep your message simple, clear and concise while communicating plans and orders.
• Everyone who is part of the plan must u sweat and what their role is and what to do in case on contingencies. 
• Draft your messaging keeping in mind the lowest common denominator on your team. 
• No matter how well you think you presented a message to your team, if they do no get it then you have not don’t a good job. 
• Give your team members the liberty to ask clarifying questions if they do not understand what you communicated to them. 

Prioritize and execute

• Relax, look around, and make a call
• There are countless problems, eVery challenge complex in its own right and each demanding attention. Leaders must remain calm and make the best decisions possible. 
• It’s overwhelming to tackle multiple problems at the same time and it’s likely the team will fail at all tasks. So determine the highest priority task and execute. 
• A way to help prioritize and execute in a high pressure situation is to stay at-least a step or two ahead. That allows leaders to anticipate problems during execution and determine contingency planning. The chances of winning are higher. 
• Staying ahead of the curve enables leaders to not be overwhelmed when there is pressure and make better decisions. 
• If the team is briefed about these contingencies then they can execute when that occurs without even specific direction.  
• This is a critical characteristic of a high performing winning team. 
• It’s crucial for leaders to pull themselves off the firing line, step back and get a strategic picture. With This perspective it becomes easier to determine the highest priority and implement an execution plan.
• Teams should be aware of target fixation and have the ability to recognize the reprioritization of another task. Should adapt to constantly changing priorities. 
• How to prioritize and execute? Evaluate the highest priority task, communicate clearly and concisely to the team, determine a plan of execution, direct the execution, move on to the next priority…repeat! When priorities shift, pass situational awareness up and down the chain, avoid target fixation and be nimble to adapt to ever changing priorities.

Decentralized Command

• Human beings are generally not capable of managing more than 6 to 10 people. Teams must be broken into 4 to 5 with a clearly designated leader. These leaders must clearly understand the intent of the overall mission. 
• Leaders should not just ask what to accomplish, they must also ask why they are doing it. This ties back to the purpose ‘Believe’. 
• Decentralized command does not mean junior leaders operate their own program, instead they must understand the boundaries of their decision making authority. They are expected to figure out what needs to be done, not just ask what needs to be done. They must be proactive, not reactive. 
• Junior leaders must trust that their senior leaders will back their decisions. If that trust doesn’t exist then junior leaders cannot confidently make decisions and execute decentralized command. 
• There must be situational awareness when communicating up and down the chain of command. 
• Leaders who try to take on too much will fail. The goal must be to empower frontline leaders through decentralized command and let them run their teams, without micromanagement from the top. 
• Sometimes senior leaders are so far away from what’s being executed in the frontline that they become ineffective. If they have no idea what their teams are doing then they cannot effectively direct their teams. 
• There has to be a balance between how much leaders are involved in day to day execution details vs how aloof they are. Positioning themselves in the right spot is critical to success. If they are too involved in day to day execution then they will loose situational awareness of what is happening with the rest of the mission and if they are too out of the loop then gent have no idea what’s happening on the frontline. They have to be engaged somewhere in the middle and must be flexible to move around to where they are needed the most. 
• Leaders at all levels must be empowered to make decisions.

Plan

• Understand the overall strategic mission. Leaders must identify clear directives for the team and explain a clear ‘end state’
• Different courses of action must be explored to accomplish the mission with the resources, man power and supporting assets available. Choose a course of action that is simple and after that is chosen, further planning should be done by gathering detailed information to execute the chosen plan. 
• Leaders must delegate planning process down the chain. Giving frontline people the authority to compile the plan gives them buy-in and helps them believe the plan which translates to effective execution. 
• Leaders must supervise the planning process but must not get bogged down in the details. By doing so, they will be able to evaluate the plan from a strategic perspective and identify weaknesses and fill in gaps. 
• The detailed plan must be briefed to the entire team in clear, simple, concise terms so everyone is aligned and there is no confusion about what has to be achieved. This forum should encourage frontline people to ask questions and encourage interaction to ensure the plan is understood. Contingencies for the plan should also be discussed. 
• The plan must mitigate risks where possible. A good plan has the highest chance of success while mitigating as many risks as possible. Leaders must focus on risks that can actually be controlled. Since not all risks can be mitigated, leaders should be comfortable with accepting some level of risk. U.S Navy hero John Paul Jones said “Those will not risk cannot win”. 
• After the plan is executed, teams must make time to evaluate how the execution went - what went well, what went wrong and how can we improve our plan to make it better. This will allow teams to introspect and not repeat the same mistakes again. 
• Planning process must be repeatable and standardized so other teams across the company can follow the same guidelines. 

Leading up the chain

• If your boss isn’t providing you enough support, done blame the boss, turn around and look at yourself and examine what you could have provided to your boss to help make a better decision. 
• Leaders must push situational awareness up the chain of command. The subordinate leader must use knowledge, experience, influence and communication. 
• While pushing your leader to understand what you need, you must also understand that your leader will prioritize and make decisions with a bigger picture in mind. If your leader chooses a different direction than what you recommended, respect that and accept it. If you disrespect your leader then that undermines the authority of leaders at all levels. 
• If you don’t understand why decisions are being made and why requests are being denied, ask those questions and pass that understanding down the chain. If your boss has a decision to go with a plan and even if it’s one that you argued against, you must execute the plan as if it were your own. 
• If your leader is not giving you support then don’t blame your leader. Instead re-examine what you can do to better clarify, educate, influence your leader to give you what you need to win. 

Decisiveness amid uncertainty

• Leaders cannot be paralyzed in fear, that leads to inaction. 
• It is critical for leaders to act amidst uncertainty and with the information they have available immediately. 
• There is never 100% information and the picture is never fully complete. Leaders must be willing to take that risk, be able to make decisions quickly and quickly readjust based on evolving situations. Waiting for 100% information will cause delay, indecision and inability to execute. 
• This “incomplete picture” scenario is prevalent in personal life, with medical decisions, work etc. We must be comfortable in chaos and act decisively amid uncertainty. 

Discipline equals freedom

• There are a lot of dichotomies in leadership that have to be understood and carefully balanced. When leaders struggle it’s usually because they have steered too far in one direction. Being aware of these dichotomies and balancing them is important. 
• A leader must lead but also be ready to follow. If a subordinate has a better plan and more knowledge to lead through a specific situation, the leader must leave aside his ego and be ready  to follow. A true leader is not intimidated by other people taking charge. 
• A leader must be aggressive but not overbearing. People you lead must be comfortable to approach you with concerns, ideas, thoughts and even disagreements. Leaders should be ready to listen to opposing views and be able to evaluate them against their own views. 
• A leader must be calm but not robotic. Leaders must show emotions, and that they care for the team but they must also be able to control their emotions. Leaders who lose their temper will lose respect. 
• A leader must be confident but never cocky. Confidence is contagious but if it goes too far and becomes overconfidence then that leads to recklessness and ultimately the team will fail. 
• A leader must be brave but not foolhardy. Leaders must be willing to accept the risk and act courageously but not be reckless. 
• Leaders must have competitive spirit but also be gracious losers. They must drive the team to perform at the highest level but never let their personal success get ahead of the mission's goals. 
• A leader must be attentive to details but not obsessed by them. If leaders get bogged down in the minutia of details then they will lose sight of strategic success. 
• A leader must be strong and have endurance, both physically and mentally. Leaders must maintain the ability to perform at highest levels for an extended duration and also identify limitations so they can pace themselves and their team. 
• Leaders must be humble but not passive; quiet but not silent. Must possess humility and ability to control their ego, admits mistakes and failures. Speak up when it matters, stand up for their team and push back if needed. 
• A leader must be close to subordinates but not too close. They must understand motivations of their people and their families but should not get too close so their subordinates forget who is in charge. 
• Leader must exercise extreme ownership and decentralized command. 
• A leader has nothing to prove and everything to prove. Should not gloat about their position, Doesn’t have to remind the team who’s in charge/has authority. Leaders have to earn trust of their people and prove to them that they are worthy of leading and taking care of them.

2021 Retrospective

So! 2021 ends!!! What a year! Full of accomplishments, anxiety, fun, fear, laughter etc etc. It’s a one a kind year in the sense of accomplishment I felt from it! It really is. I’m proud of myself for doing somethings that I never thought I would ever do! I went snorkeling (yes, in a real ocean…), did a dive into water (yes, dive as in a jump…), ate red meat (and actually enjoyed it…), enrolled myself in a swimming class, got a Brazilian bikini wax and did something totally off record that I’m not gonna record 🙊

I pushed myself off the comfort zone, over the cliff into the deep end! Was it comfortable, heck no! But it was definitely totally worth it! I’m so proud of myself for doing all this and still keeping myself sorta sane (though KK may not agree lol)! 

Another HUGE accomplishment on the work front was Mosaic Go-Live. It’s a huge multi million dollar multi year Southwest Technology program to replace the MRO system, and I played a crucial part in the Go-Live phase! My role was key to overseeing Technical aspects across the program and ensuring a smooth transition to the new ecosystem. 

And then it was Anna’s wedding, hooray! Getting  to know a new family full of warm people was really nice. The wedding ceremony itself was unplanned, what was going to be a simple court ceremony turned into a full blown Telugu style wedding. I spent most of my time helping plan events, guest list, food and most importantly outfits for events! It’s fun but also a challenging experience. I’ve learnt a lot from that experience and such experiences also bring people closer so that was the bright side. It also came with its own set of challenges as any other marriage does - my younger nephew S refusing to accept reality, dealing with it and coming to terms. Parents haven’t been dealing well with this either. But IMO  we should look forward to new beginnings. It will be hard, I won’t deny that, but we all have to let go of the past and take a step forward. It’s also been hard trying to grapple with the fact that our family would move out of the Spring canyon home that we all fondly love but I’ve tried really hard not to rub off my emotions at the family and make them feel worse. Good thing is the most recent decision to keep the family where they are! So yayy to new beginnings! 

And….I turned 40!!! I still can’t believe that happened…cuz I don’t ‘feel’ 40….but how would I know cuz I was never 40!! 😆 

I barely had any interest in planning anything cuz of all the time I was spending with Anna’s wedding. It almost took the fun out of the anticipation and turned it into just another day. I was looking forward to being out of the country but we couldn’t do that either with in laws here. So it was just another day! K did an awesome job planning my so called bday bash…we had a lotta fun! Especially with a bartender, photographer and great company. 

2022 - what do I expect? It’s had a very interesting start with A’s non stop vomiting, K’s and mine sickness, and an unknown wrench that might get thrown into our life. But will see how things go!!